Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Unfairness of Flowers

Let's be honest. Flowers are rubbish. Even the ugly ones are pretty. Granted, some smell like the wrong end of a platypus, but all are visually aesthetically pleasing. Which is just annoying. Observe the following for evidence. I think you'll agree. And for those of us with low self esteem, it is simply another smack in the gob.




I mean, really. Even the little funny curly bits around the middle add to the stroppy charm of these arrogant little lovelies. In normal colour, in greyscale, or even in Instagram, there is simply no making them anything but what they are.



Now, these are all super-zoom shots, which do not show the extent of the nerve of flowers. All the above were part of a bouquet given me by a friend. So really, they are dead. Heads lopped straight off the roots. Stuck in water to prolong the illusion of life, but really. Please. If someone lopped my head off, no amount of water or any other medium would keep me smiling happily. What gives flowers the right to still bloom under such circumstances? Are they just in denial? If so, that is the most powerful denial ever. I'd love to know where I can get some.
On to the living. Stuck in the dirt. Oft ignored. Used as decor or let run wild. Trodden on. Noshed on by fauna. And still bloody pretty.



Come on. Why must we put up with such attitude? I for one am sick of it. Because of these cheeky blossoms, the pretty among the female people get compared to flowers. Why? Symbolism is attached to each sort of bloom. By whom? I argue there should be a complete revisit to the plan. Overly fragrant flowers given (I mean you, Lilly) signify the giver finds something lacking in the odour of the receiver. Overly bright blooms suggest the giver finds the receiver rather dull. Et cetera.

And this sort of rampant floral arrogance is not isolated to one place. Oh no, it is an international outrage. some are just more exotic in their beauty (which is even less fair, if I'm honest).
Whether in Rwanda...

Or Korea...

Or Guam...

For goodness sake, they look like cake decorations...

The rest of us don't stand a chance.


Whatever. Harrumph.